Guess who is back?

Chuck Fact:
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Depending on the time of year, I like beer more than wine, and sometimes I like wine more than beer. Typically in the summer. I like to have beer, I think becuase after a hot day in the sun, I like to cool off with a nice cold Miller Lite. And wine stays at room temp, not very refreshing after mowing the lawn ya know?
Wine is nice in the winter, warms your bones when there is a chill in the air. So I guess what I'm saying is, I wouldn't be mad at Chuck for changing the wine to beer if it were in the summer. But I might have to roundhouse kick him in the face if he did it in the winter.
(Just kiddin Chuck, I wouldn't ever disgrace you like that)

Safe Orders

My Hubby sometimes teases me about my odering food when we eat out. I tend to order the same things. But this weekend I realize that ordering the same thing is not always bad.
JAM (aka 2names) and her friend SODA (sits on dick alot) came to Texass for a visit. Friday night we ate out at our favorite Tex-Mex place, JAM tried something new, and didn't really like it. I got the fajita salad (a staple for me if the place doesn't serve burritos) and I left happy.
Saturday, we went to Landry's in the West End and SODA ordered the gumbo and didn't like it. I ordered the Cobb Salad and was quite happy.
Tuesday, we all went to a local Italian place, SODA ordered the combo and didn't like the eggplant. (Frankly I would never order anything with eggplant at any place unless it was a super nice place.) I got the stromboli, you really can't mess up stromboli.
Every meal I had I liked, didn't get screwed over and I left happy and satisfied. Nothing wrong with ordering safe, I rarely get screwed.

My Favs

Some of my favorite things about being alive:
I love that twizzlers were invented with a hole down the middle so I use it as a straw with Mt. Dew.
I love my friends. They may be few but they are true.
I love popcorn with a glass of very cold milk.
My favorite hat is a beanie or my cowboy.
I like how my phone has a keyboard, it makes doing something I hate a little bit better.
I love the way it feels to finally be happy.
My favorite pair of shoes are my flip-flops.
And my favorite type of food is Mexican. But my favorite thing to eat is a good salad.
I love getting those butterflies when you go over a hill real fast.
I also love getting those same butterflies when My Hubby does something sweet, out of the blue.
I love the way I feel after a good run.
I love being from Nebraska, because its made me who I am.
I love this saying and I can't wait to use it: "You just fvcked with the wrong bitch, and I am going to make you pay. I hope you are shunned for life."
I also really enjoy Friends re-runs.
I secretly love Britney Spears and Pink.
I really love my sisters, but I'm thinking I might kick the rest of my family in the ass.
My new favorite website is seeqpod.com
My favorite current running show would have to be The Office

I want to cut them out

First of all, yes, I am dumb.
But that doesn't mean I need to be punished this way. Ugh!
I wore my contacts a month too long I think. And now I can barely keep my eyes open. I had to turn the contrast down on my computer becuase bright light makes me squint.
Hard to believe that something so small could cause this annoying pain. And why does it seem that the sun is like a gazillion times brighter today at 7 a.m. than before?
And did they crank up the wattage on these light bulbs in here?
Oh I hope I can make it till 5 p.m. If my eyes are going to be this red there should definitely be some hard core cheez involved, like an all day binge, kind of thing.
Note to self, only keep contacts in for 2 months MAX. Man it would be so much easier if I were just blind...oh wait retract that last statement. My dog would suck as a seeing eye dog. I don't think he can drive.

Proposals over raw meat

My cousin and I used to work at the Deli in town together for about one summer I think it was, must've been before she moved off to Lawrence.
But one of our jobs at the Deli was pattying hamburger meat, getting it stocked for the night shift and the next day.
So we were sitting there making meat balls then smashing them flat, when we decided that neither of us would ever get married and that we would just marry eachother (because not only is gay marriage legal in Nebraska but also marrying your first cousin is cool too, by the way, its not, what do you think this is? Alabama? No we are more civilized than that).
I'm not sure how this all came about, and as always I may not be remembering this exchange of words correctly but I kinda gathered from this conversation, even though we were joking around, that (we'll call her Blondie because she's always had very blond hair) Blondie wasn't interested in marriage just yet and really didn't seem interested in having kids. I guess I was wrong.
Not probably 3-6 months later Blondie moved to Kansas, met a guy, got engaged, got married and starting popping out kids. She's always loved kids and I'm sure she makes a great mom and I think she should have more. She's even offered her fertile uterus to me (all in jokes as well) in case I happen to be the only infertile Witte on the planet.
There is so much to be learned from a proposal over bloody mushed up meat. Funny how when I patty a burger now, I think about how quickly ones life can change. Sometimes one decision really can turn your life around.
Ok that's not what I think about when I play with meat, I don't know what I think about when I'm flattening out raw meat for consumption...probably thinking how much my nose itches and how bad is sucks that I can't itch it becuase I have a handful of raw cow meat in my hands and how I can manuever my shoulder to my nose to itch it and hope a booger (thats booger not burger) doesn't fall onto my meat at the same time...good thing it all looks the same.

Mamma's Family

Has anyone ever watched this show?

I used to watch it in the summers as a kid. It must've been on before or after The Price is Right or something.

But I saw Mama today.

So there is this lady on my floor, that was at the microwaves warming up her frozen dinner and seriously looked just like Vicki Lawrence (Mama, I think her name was Thelma in the TV Series)

The woman was wearing a white sweater, floral print skirt, white tube socks pulled up and and tennis shoes. I'm not even kidding a little bit.

She told me she liked my shirt, and then proceeded to tell me how she went to TJ Max to go shopping but couldn't find anything.

I said "Hmmm, this shirt is a hand-me-down."

Crushes and not Orange Crush

JF Hoffman

I got to thinking about my first crush as a young girl.

And I couldn't narrow it down to the first, as my brain is a little fuzzy, I guess some things I have tried to block out and maybe there is a reason for this.

I would have to say I was the queen of crushes. As I would develop these frequently throughout my young life up until I met my last crush, the guy who ultimately became my husband.

Ok that's a lie I still get crushes, but they are now on unattainable people like, John Cena, Mark Hoppus, Pink, Britney those sorts.

So I think one of my first crushes was on a High School Junior (I was probably in 3rd or 4th grade) His name was J.F. Hoffman. What is so cool is everyone calls him JF, but guess what JF stands for ... Justin Fayne, how freaking sexy is that?(Coincidently my first boyfriends name was also Justin, though is middle name was Dayle, not as cool)

JF didn't give me and my friends the time of day, so we quickly moved on to Todd Witler.

Todd was so cute and he even gave us his senior picture (which I still have). We'd sit outside the library as he passed out lunch numbers to the other highschoolers and we'd just talk. It was great. I think I cried when he graduated.

I actually ran into him about 7 years ago, when I was working at Macke's after college, and he was actually flirting with me. (But he was a bit older and not quite as cute as he was in High School, but I still flirted back, I mean it was Todd Witler)

So after Todd, there were several other boys more my age, though I'm sure a lot of them never even knew I had a crush on them, Coleton (we actually went out over one recess in like 5th grade) Jason Hough, Bart, Shane, Brent, Jim (I really don't know what I was thinking)

Then the big high school crush was Mitch Stein from Bertrand. Yes he was fine. I actually think I just loved his blue eyes.

There were others of course after high school but those to me are the funny ones. The ones that came later either ended in with much dissapointment, aren't worth mentioning, or cars starting on fire