The worst and the best

PW (http://thepioneerwoman.com/confessions/) got me thinking the other day.
She asked, what was our worst year in school? And for me by far my worst year was my Freshman year in high school. I'm sure I had some awkward days before Freshman year, but that is the one year that sticks out in my head.
Probably, unfortunately I will never forget it, sucks because I'm so far removed from that year, and I have had some bad years at school, specially later on in college, the year of the fire is one that well lets just say, A. I will never live that year down, and B. what doesn't kill us, or make us commit suicide, only makes us stronger.
Let me first just say, looking back, I neither loved nor loathed highschool. It is what it is or was what it was rather. I don't have any desire to go back to that time in my life, don't want to relive it and I definately would not do anything differently.
I believe that translates into my complete disregard and absence at any highschool reunion from now until eternity. To put it bluntly I don't want to go back. As someone once said, "They were the best of times and they were the worst of times."
Frankly if my parents didn't live in That Town, I would probably never even step foot inside the city limits ever again. That place made me who I am, but there were definately times when who I was was not who I wanted to be. And I struggled with life on the outside, I guess because, in That Town, we all lived in some sort of a bubble, somewhat oblivious of how hard it could be on your own, making decisions that affected your life and self esteem and those around you. Its not that I hate That Town, don't get me wrong, I will always harbor a love for the place, I have so many great memories, that I could never hate it, it also became a place to run away to, to escape the outside. Because things there just run at a different pace, if you can handle the looks and the stares and the inevitable gossip, it really is a safe harbor, well what it is, is that That Town, unfortunately will always be Home.
So the worst year there, would, like I said, have to be my freshman year. The whole year wasn't bad mind you, really just about 2 months of the year were really bad. It all started during basketball season. And really only once I was chosen as one of 3 alternates on the varsity basketball team. Being on varsity was a pretty big deal. We had about 30 girls out for basketball and only 12 made varsity, and what would also turn out to be a free trip to the State Basketball Championship in Lincoln, Ne.
For some odd reason I guess, some of the girls on the team didn't think I deserved to make it on varsity. Or they thought I played too rough and didn't like getting knocked around a little during practice. Well you practice like you play, the harder I try the better it makes you, in my opinion. And frankly that toughness and hard work is what probably got me on varsity. But I digress....so they started to make up names and rumors about me.
First they started calling me Fatty Patty, though I didn't even know they were talking about me at first. They would write on the chalk board in the locker room "Nick nack Fatty Pat, give the dog a bone. That ol hog came rolling home...." And then also something about calling me AA, or Double A. Because they called the short girl in our class Big A, they thought she was annoying, so they called me AA or Double A because I was even more annoying and I was twice her size. (she really was pretty short)
Then once we did make it to State, I was chosen to go as an alternate. I wouldn't suit up, unless someone got hurt and couldn't play, but be more of a student manager. The other 2 alternates actually suited up, so then I was deamed the last alternate. But "they" (the girls in my class or the girls on the team) started the rumor that the only reason I was going was because my father talked to the coach. Which wasn't true. I was so frustrated with the rumors I went to the coach myself and told him that I only wanted to go, if he felt I deserved to go, not because my Dad may or may not have talked to him. He assured me, that as an alternate for most of the season, I deserved to go and be with the team. So I went, we won. And I got a gold medal, even though I didn't play in the whole state tournament. I don't care...I deserved that medal.
And that was that, after state, everyone forgot about calling me Fat Pat, we were all on to track season and actually that's where I got my first real nickname. It started out with "Phillips" but then got shortened to "Phil". And what I loved about it, was when they called my name during the starting lineup for games....people would say it like they did on "Cheers" with Norm...it was awesome.
And frankly every year after was great. Had your normal drama and a few ups and downs, but nothing like that. And by the time I was a senior, it was almost like being on top of the world. It was easy.
I was having a conversation with a friend about going back for highschool reunions and I told her, that I have no desire to go back for one, and I guess I was making fun of her for wanting to go to hers. Specially since she lived basically in the same town, she really never left, still hangs out with a bunch of people that she graduated with.
She told me, "Just because your highschool career sucked doesn't mean everyone's did."
And I laughed, I said "My highschool career was the furthest thing from sucking. Those four years, were all pretty successful. I was homecoming royalty, a cheelearder, a three sport letterwinner, and a 4 time state champion, my highschool didn't suck. I don't talk about it much. I just don't want to relive it."
In my opinion, most of the time people go back to those reunions just to see how much better their life is than those of their classmates and to brag about how great their life is. Frankly I don't care. I see it as this, with most of those people I was almost forced to be friends with them, I had no other choice. Either be friends with thise 40 people or be alone. It was that way for all of us. Sure, I bet there are some relationships that have endured, but I would say those are few and far between. I even still have a few, but its just a part of growing up I suppose.
Actually I don't think I would want to relive any period of my life. I can't change anything, for it all has made me who I am.
And I've found with age, I'm getting more stubborn, argumentative and also laid back.
And someday, I'll won't be scared of my own mother.