Chuck takes no Sh*t from nobody

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem--It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

I was thinking that Chuck Norris toilet paper would be really hard and abrasive.
I personally like my tp to be pretty darn soft. But not so soft that it falls apart. Then that creates a whole other problem. Think dingle berries with cotton balls, really escalates the problem.
I really hate it actually when you realize you didn't wipe as well as you should have, and you leave the house, your walking around. And then it starts to creep up on you.
You butt starts to sweat and this seems to aggravate the problem then before you know it, your ass is in full fledged itch mode and there isn’t anything you can do about it, your only recourse is to do a thorough wiping and when your at the dog park (as was the case last weekend) there are no public bathrooms nearby.
Not only that but I have a problem with using public bathrooms…(but that’s another post altogether) I could reach down and do a little quick itch but then there are two outcomes of that indiscretion, first of all someone might see me, and secondly I don’t want my hand to smell of ass all day.
So my next course of action is subtlety. Make it itch itself. Walk with buttocks clenched, stand with hip sticking out, then switch, doing this several times. And then patiently as possible wait till I get back in the car and I can sit on my seat, this always seems to help that and doing a little jiggle while sitting.
Oh the agony! Now I can totally see why dogs rub their asses on the floor. I kinda wish I could do that. Or I could just make sure I wipe my ass real good before leaving the house.