I know, I know...I've been busy. I guess that's the best excuse I can come up with. The other might have to do with the fact that I had some really big news and frankly I was afraid I'd blab it on here and then the whole world would know before I even told like my family and friends.
But well now the cat is out of the bag and I feel comfortable enough to get back on here and do my weekly or maybe not so weekly purge of my ramblings.
So what's the big news you might ask? Or maybe not cuz you don't really care...well I'll tell ya anyway, the big news is....I'm pregnant. Yup, me. I'm going to be somebody's mom. So I thought maybe I'd share a few of the joys of being pregnant. Now I'm not going to hold back much, so you may not want to read this if you don't want to know too much about me.
1. Telling people you are pregnant. I absolutely hate telling people I am pregnant. Why? Because it's kinda like telling people you are having sex. I am married, have been for almost three years, but I don't like telling co-workers and casual acquantences that my husband and I concieved after a dissapointing Nebraska loss where I consumed like a bottle of wine and had about 4 shots of 100 proof peppermint schnapps. (Of course I go in to detail about the specifics of the day I most likely concieved, you asked me if we planning a child? No we weren't really "planning" to have drunk sex that specific Saturday afternoon, it just sorta happened that way...am I dissapointed? No, the sex was great, drunk sex usually is, well unless you are too drunk...then its just frustrating) Did I make you feel uncomfortable? Good now we are on the same page.
Another thing I hate about telling people I'm pregnant is that a lot of people automatically look to your stomach when you tell them this. Like I'm already self-conscience enough about my body image, I don't like people looking at me and trying gauge how far along I might be by how fat I am. Just ask already...to my face...you've already asked me if it was planned, why not keep asking intruisive questions...
Furthermore, I know most people don't know this is annoying, but for a hormonal pregnant person it is. Don't ask this question "So are you excited?" Like seriously, what kind of a question is that to ask? And what kind of an answer do you expect to get? I sometimes like to mess with people and say, "No" with no explanation just to see thier reaction. I don't know why but this is a very uncomfortable question to answer and it seems most people ask it. Of course I'm excited, just because I'm not bouncing up and down the walls and shouting from every rooftop that Mr. Vasey blasted some sperm inside me and fertilized one of my eggs in which I am now intrusted with carrying around inside of me for like 9 months, doesn't mean I'm not excited. Nervous is more like it. I mean ya it'll be great to have a kid, one whom will probably be the most strangest lil thing to walk the earth, considering the gene pool it is coming from, but am I excited to squirt a watermelon out of me? Um...no, not so much.
2. Morning sickness. Morning sickness my ass, try all day sickness. The asstard that gave it the name morning sickness can pretty much shove his ever loving head even further up his arse if you ask me. For eight straight weeks, I felt like a warmed over ass turd damn near all day long, couple that with working 60 hours a week, being tired all the time and having to make it through a grueling holiday season. Morning sickness, ya you can pretty much kiss my ass.
3. Backed up and roids. No one ever told me about this. No one ever mentioned that I wouldn't be able to "go" for 3 days. No one told me that when I did go that it would look like a rabbit snuck up my ass and left the droppings in the toilet, even though it literally felt like I laid a rabbit and not its little turds. No one ever told me that becuase of this I would get hemmroids which would cause pooping out these little turds even more painful. And that's just the begining, it goes from little rabbit turds to ... well lets just say I never thought I would say this to my husband "Well that's the first time in about 2 weeks I didn't clog up the toilet."
"Gross," he says. "Why don't you do a courtesy flush?"
"Well you can't when its one piece." (ya I know)
I'm sorry there are no pictures with this post I thought it might be too graphic with the subject matter.
I'm sure someday Squirt (that's what we are naming him/her for now) will be proud of me...for enduring so much to bring him/her to life. And Mr. Vasey as well, as he has had to put up with me for the last 19 weeks and were are only almost half way there...
Me and Mr. Vasey on the alleged day of conception (or there abouts)
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