Monday, April 27, 2009

My favorite happy birthday text

As far as birthday's go this one hasn't exactly been the most memorable, and in fact it really wasn't much different than any other day...except I got some birthday wishes.

The best one was from my Bro AKA Dork or Dumbass :)

Let me pre-empt this all by saying that I absolutely hate texting. It has been the thorn in my side for years. I am not good at it, I don't know all the stupid little acronyms that everyone uses, except for the blatent ones you know lol, bff, UR, rotflol, you know the ones that people also use in email and chat, becuase I do do (I just said doo doo :) ) that. So anyway back on the farm.

The first text came...

Dork: H B D B

Which I think means Happy Birthday Dumb Bitch or Dumb Butt...Or maybe he forgot that Birthday was one word so it could be Happy Birthday Bitch. To which I reply...

Me: Uh...Thanks!

Dork: U W

Ok this one I have no idea what it means. I figure the "U" is You but after that I'm stumped. In my head I'm thinking "Wow he must know a bunch of stupid shortcuts, how much does he text for him to know all these shortcuts"

To which I reply: What r u a 13 yo girl? I don't know what that means...

Dork: U Welcome

Me: Dork

Dork: Dork? U r the 1 that did not get it

Me: Whatev yer the 1 who obviously spends too much time texting to know all the obscure shortcuts.

Dork: I j m t u

lol
I just make them up

Me: Rotflol. Why am i not surprised. Timanese text :)

Seriously I can't make this stuff up. 

So basically my brother is literally making up his own text messaging language. And anyone who dares text him must either be on his wavelength or epitomize the very existence of Sherlock Holmes. I don't know who he thinks he is that he just pull this crap off, but it gave me a laugh.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Dirty Mind

Yes I have a dirty mind. Sometimes likened to that of a 13 year old boy, so it's best not to encourage me.

My cubby buddy we'll call him Mr. Wilson, doesn't know this about me, but I've been holding in little giggles all afternoon since he stopped in my office and this is why.

Earlier this morning, that dude that talks alot and is retiring in a month...well he stopped by my office today to talk about giving me some furniture as he and his wife are moving back to the Philly area, they are downsizing and getting rid of some stuff. Well this couch he is looking to get rid of he says has been worn down a bit. 

"When I lay down on it, I guess I rub it the wrong way or something and it's worn off like 4 inches," he says this like 3-4 times. Now at first (I can't believe I didn't think of this) but at first I thought nothing of it until Mr. Wilson comes by and says that he almost puked in his mouth when The Old Fart was over here talking about it. Then the wheels start turning, and my imagination gets going. "I don't know I just rub it wrong." Do ya? Do ya rub it wrong? Well maybe you should try the other hand, or maybe ask your wife for help. Or maybe just turn over.

I even asked him to take pics, (of the couch) but man if you over heard our conversation...and he goes "Me? No I wouldn't be able to take a pic." Like he can't multi task...but it could've sounded like I wanted pics of the rubbage. Oh and then I offered to come over and take pics so I could send them to my husband to see what he thinks...oh man.

OK I'm juvinile I know....see its best not to encourage me.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Oh Mother

It's always a joyous occasion in Wylie, TX when the parents come to town. They are a couple of cards sometimes. And sometimes I feel as though they are fish out of water...

But I must say that my mother does often provide a bit of comic relief for which I use for my own entertainment and to share that entertainment with others. And actually that is one thing I love about my family, is their ability to laugh at themselves and their acceptance, that at some point, you will surely be the butt of a joke.

So the Dorks wife (I need to come up with a name for her how bout Shell) was going to be in class on the Saturday of the birthday party for the Bear. So I assumed that my mom and I would be entertaining the kids that day while the Dork himself prepared the house for the party, and on the Thursday before I suggested to my mom that we should take the kids to the P-A-R-K. I spelled it out in case one of the kids heard, and in case we weren't able to go, as it had been a rainy weekend. My mom was accepting of this proposal and all was set.

Then on Friday, Shell, while on the way to Sam's asked me where this place was that we were going to go to with the kids on Saturday. I was like, "Oh it's just that one down the street from your house, there at 78 and Ballard St." 

"Oh she says, I didn't know there was one down there, I'd never seen it," She says.

"Well you know the park right there that we just passed, you know, the one that they just redid," I reply.

"Oh I thought your mom said you were going to a Penny Arcade. And the only thing I could think of was Chucky Cheese," she said.

"No, where did she get penny arcade,” I said laughing...”Oh I see because I spelled it out… P-A-R-K!"

And then my mom chimes in "See I still hear Penny Arcade, every time you say it, I don't understand."

Then I articulate as best as I know how speaking very slowly and loudly “P---A---R---K. THE PARK”

“Oh!” She says. “The park, I just kept hearing penny arcade.”

So now it begins. My mother begins the decline of hearing, like her mother and her mother before that, and unfortunately it will probably also be my own demise. And my hubby complains now that I don't listen to him, just give it 20 years and I really won't be... 

But with my mom its bad enough with her ditzy ass, now we have to not only make sure she understands what we are talking about, we also have to make sure she hears us correctly. 

Sucks though, now she got me wishing there really was a penny arcade … that would be awesome.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Opposite Marriage?

So admist all the fuss over the Miss USA pagent and Miss California claiming that she lost the contest because of her stance on gay marriage. I thought I'd take a moment to interject. 

Why is it no one took into consideration that she didn't exactly answer the question as eloquently as a spokesperson for women should answer. I don't care what her opinion is, she answered it like a freaking dumbass and she didn't deserve to win if she can't even coherently discern between same-sex marriage and marriage between a man and a woman, heterosexual marriage or even saying something like "Same sex marriage and marriage in the way that God intended it to be, between a man and a woman" but no...Her answer went something like this: 

"We live in a land that you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage"

Um excuse me? What is opposite marriage? Is that like being single? Cuz that's what the opposite of marriage means to me. I can't believe we are even having this discussion. She lost becuase she sucks. This only fuels the fire of the right wingists who feel as though the left is overreaching on thier values. "See look at those leftists condemning a woman and keeping her from reaching her full potential for speaking out for what she believes in." That's what they are saying. They are congratulating her for speaking her mind and suffering the consequences of not having the popular opinion.

Um I'm sorry but uh, when a well known gay Hollywood blogger, who also happens to be a judge, asks you a question about gay marriage, what the hell kind of answer do you think you should give? A completely watered down version of what you believe evidently. If ya don't know how to win then you shouldn't win. The idea of this question and answer phase in my opinion is to see how well you think on your feet, and well, I would say she failed...miserably. She should've have spoken her mind without offending anyone, if she can't do that then she doesn't deserve to win.

And not only that, but if she is supposed to represent women in this country, does she really think that all woman think that way. I would say a big fat "NO."

Does she not remember when women were not offered equal treatment? Remember when women were not allowed to vote, or work outside the home, or hold offices becuase the church and men thought that women were lesser beings, that we didn't hold the same brain capacity as men. Remember how we had to fight for our rights and freedoms? And come to find out, the church, and man were wrong. And remember how bad everyone felt that woman were, and in some cases still are, held to a different standard, because it wasn't right? Even though at the time everyone thought they were right. How are you going to feel in a few years when you realize you were one of those bigots, and you are wrong?

Or how about mix race couples? Remember how it was disgraceful and even against the law for a black person to be married to a white person. Or a white person married to an Asian person? They would be ridiculed, housing prices would go down if they moved to your neighborhood, is was disgraceful, "I just am glad it never happened in my family"....remember that? Remember how wrong we were for thinking that? Remember you can't help who you fall in love with. Love does not know religion, race, sex or creed, love is honest, true and beautiful. Obviously something you know nothing about. 

And in a pagent judging beauty, its no wonder you lost. You really showed your true beauty...or the lack thereof rather.

Ok rant over....

Happy Earth Day!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Sometimes you just know

Well my sister is in love. She met a guy, about a month ago, and she has already determined that he's the one.
Now many people might think that is ridiculous, immature, naive the list goes on. I on the other hand, I think only she would know. 
She has had her share of relationships and history sometimes leads a person to think a certain way. I could say "Oh ya I've heard this all before, yadda, yadda, yadda. You fell in love...again." But this time I actually think there is something there. While she is taking a chance, going out on a limb a little bit, I do see a change in her. She actually does seem genuinely happy and I honestly think, this guy, while he may have some personal family issues he's dealing with, and has some unresolved issues he's getting taken care of(but then who doesn't) I think he seems to committed to her, he seems to have his head 1/2 way on straight (at least more than some of the other guys she's dated) 
Evidently they knew eachother for about a week before they were pretty much shacking up. I laughed, and then thought about it. Hmmmmm I can remember when I was in the same position. I must say us Phillips' we don't waste no time when we find what we want. Let me just give ya the run down:
Dork (aka My brother) he started talking to a girl in October, she met the parents that November, and by February she had a diamond on her finger. They were married the following Oct, and were pregnant within a few months. Talk about making some life changes in a year. 
Trin: She met a guy while in college, they had a distance relationship for a while, then after about 6 months she moved to the same town as he, within about 2 months she was prego and married about a year later.
Me: I met my husband at Wal-Mart on a Friday, by Saturday we decided to boyfriend and girlfriend, and frankly were practically living together within about 2 weeks.
My parents: Met one night at a football game, and within a month were engaged and I believe they were married about 9 months later then Ang came along 9 months after that. I'm pretty sure my Dad jumped the gun on the proposal though cuz my Mom wouldn't give it up till they were married.
Us Phillips' I tell ya. When we see something we like, we take it and don't let go.